My face by Andrew James Moore age 25

This is my “Sorry I'm late but…” face. Could you resist it?

My Motto by Andrew James Moore age 25

Everyone in life should have a motto which they can place under the “Help” menu in the applications they create. Mine is;

“I know you are right and I am wrong but you are wrong all the same and I won't shut up until you admit it.”

My top 10 reasons for being late by Andrew James Moore age 25

Welcome to my really useful page of excuses for lateness. I wouldn't suggest that you try these at your place of work as your boss has probably visited this page – also with most of them you'd look a bit of a berk if you tried using them.

  1. I suffer from a serious medical condition. It's called Repetitive Sleeping In and is most often caused by going out drinking with geeky students on Thursdays and you may not like to do this based on image grounds
  2. I often have a mishap with my bike . Amazingly people fall for this one even though they have never seen me on a bike (not even sure I own one, best check with my mum)
  3. White vans can be very traumatic. Whenever I see one I am reminded of the old saying “white van at night, stay in and hide, white van in the morning best stay in bed for another hour”
  4. Don't you find alarm clocks really annoying? I often can't work out which way up it goes and when you set it upside down it just doesn't go off when you'd expect it to!
  5. Other people have problems with their clocks and don't realise that I am not late, I am in fact 2 and a half hours early!
  6. When Paul wouldn't sell me his camper van it meant that I couldn't camp outside the building and therefore had to commute from far away just up the road. I can't help being late because others are selfish now can I?
  7. My alarm clock doesn't go off when I don't set it due to a total lack of quality control in Korean manufacturing processes.
  8. People book me to do jobs I don't want to do, such as install Osen Yildirim's printer. This is harassment and being harassed requires additional down-time.
  9. Banking is a major headache. I find that visiting Barclays is an especially good reason to stay in bed for an extra 10 minutes
  10. I am like Carlsberg Export: The Dane's just don't want to see me leave and make sure that when I arrive in the UK I am instantly impounded and deported back to Denmark .
  11. Wake on LAN is poorly implemented on my cheap grey import motherboard. No matter how I configure the switch that I plug myself into it just never does the job
  12. I'm uncertain as to which route to work has the least number of pixels. This has given me a migraine and so I have had to stay in bed late
  13. Tuesday is MacDonald's day. I want to have a MacDonald's and therefore I have to stay in bed until Tuesday
  14. There is a serious bug in andysday.pl which I can't quite figure out. For some reason the script loops between openeyes and gotobed . This is due to the University failing to invest properly in my training and I will bring this up at my PDR.
  15. The only dentists in the world are in Wigan and they are only open from 12:30pm-1:30pm.

A pretty good range huh? Still most are now old hat so watch this space whilst I come up with some others… Also if you have any suggestions then please email me at foolish@manchester.ac.uk and I'll create a random word selector to come up with some others.